03/30/2006

The statement that 'The only people who aren't mentally ill are those how haven't been to a psychiatrist" can be taken two ways.

I realize that it is mostly said sarcastically as if psychiatrist will always find a reason to keep people coming back, thus everyone they treat can be diagnosed with something.

Now, in my circles, which include multiple internet lists on mental health issues, we have a different take on this statement entirely.

From my experience, many people who claim to have no issues, no problems - and are sometimes adamant that psychiatry is fraud - these are the people with the most problems! First of all, denial of the existence of a condition does not alleviate it. Also many of the people I have met have some serious issues with taking responsibility - not only for the occurrences in their lives, but also the responsibility we must all take for how our actions affect other people and their feelings. Passive-Aggressive behavior seems rampant in society and I have not yet mastered the immediate recognition of it.

I cannot imagine a person out there who wouldn't benefit from seeing a therapist or other mental health professional on occasion. Everyone has hang-ups, or issues in life they have difficulty with - at least on occasion. The main problem still seems to be the close-mindedness, bullheadedness and sheer belligerence these people have ingrained in their heads. I'm never certain if it's still the stigma associated with mental health, or if it's some type of fear of admitting you don't have the world under control.

Refusal to acknowledge mental health issues seems to somehow go hand in hand with:

• self medicating with alcohol, drugs, smoking, extreme sports, recklessness, etc.
• refusal to feel apologetic for his actions or words after hurting someone's feelings. (the OTHER person misunderstood me, thus it's THEIR problem)
• "Dark Cloud" syndrome - all these bad things always just happen to me by no fault of my own... Nothing is EVER my fault.
• Lack of compassion for how actions affect others; selfishness and other shades of narcissism.

I have no answers. No one can be forced to deal with their problems, lack of good coping skill, or bad habits. Many lose friends and never know why, can't maintain relationships, or keep jobs. But rest assured, this is never their fault - especially if they have a codependent person in their life who will support this notion!

All we can do is attempt to eliminate these people from our relationships. We cannot fix them or change them - this is their responsibility. And until they realize that, open their minds, and do something about it - it is useless to exert our energy to try to acquire a healthy relationship with such a person.

Love. Unfortunately simply because love exists does not mean that a healthy relationship is possible. Unfortunately love does not mean everything can be overcome. I've had to learn this the hard way. Sad fact. Love is a special "symptom" of a good relationship. It's wonderful when all pieces of the puzzle exist in a relationship: compatibility emotionally, sexually, and spiritually, as well as love for one another. I think that would be the perfect combination :-)

Work in Progress