Music            lava.gif (20860 bytes)

At the moment, my cd player: 

Breaking Benjamin, Green Day, Nevermore, Disturbed

 

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer


Music has been very influential in my life.  My emotional status has been rocky for many years, and music always tended to keep me from disaster.  I like lots of music but I have definite favorites.  I'll put some links in here later...  Maybe this isn't music one would expect from someone like me, but, then again, I've never been quite what "people" expected.

Bush, Metallica, Stone Temple Pilots, Chris Cornell, Collective Soul, Live, Goo Goo Dolls,  Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Seven Mary Three........

Puddle of Mudd - Blurry Tantric - Mourning Uninvited - Alanis Morrisette
Incubus - Stellar Staind - Epiphany Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Tool - Schism Fuel - Hemorrhage Stone Sour - Bother
Staind - Fade Chris Cornell-Preaching the End Alice in Chains - Nutshell
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams AFI - The Leaving Song

Cool song lyrics about depression:
Fell on Black Days - Soundgarden,
Until it Sleeps - Metallica,
Misery - Soul Asylum.

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters. This is a song I love to sing with the people I care so deeply for. This song is awesome.

An oldie that I like from 1989 - Kix Don't Close Your Eyes

Poetry that I didn't write....
Stone Temple Pilots: Interstate Love Song

If you feel inclined to ask me anything about my ex-husband:   Pearl Jam's Nothingman.

This is a neat site discussing the interpretations of Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam's Songs . I used to have another link that was better, but it went offline. If anyone knows where it went, please mail me! It was solely about song interpretations.

 

Home

 

 

 

 

 

lava.gif (20860 bytes)

Until It Sleeps - Metallica - Load

Where do I take this pain of mine.
I run but it stays right by my side.
So tear me open and pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout,
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps.
Just like a curse, just like a stray.
You feed it once and now it stays,
Now it stays.
So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care,
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean.
It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you so hold me
Until it sleeps.

So tell me why you've chosen me
Don't want your grip
Don't want your greed
Don't want it
Now tear me open make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone,
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me, until it sleeps

It grips you so hold me
It stains you so hold me
It hates you so hold me
It holds you, holds you, holds you until it sleeps
Don't want it want it want it want it want it no

So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care,
And the dirt still stains me,
So wash me till I'm clean.
Now tear me open make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone,
And the hate still shapes me,
So hold me until it sleeps


BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

FELL ON BLACK DAYS 
Written by Chris Cornell .. Soundgarden    

 

Whatsoever I've feared has come to life

Whatsoever I've fought off became my life

Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile

Sunspots have faded and now I'm doing timelava.gif (20860 bytes)

Cause I fell on black days

Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now

Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down

I'm a searchlight soul

They say but I can't see it in the night

I'm only faking when I get it right

Cause I fell on black days

I fell on black days

How would I know

That this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good has made you blind

And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine

So don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly

Hands are for shaking, not tying.

I sure don't mind a change

But I fell on black days

How would I know that this could be my fate

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

lava.gif (20860 bytes)

INTERSTATE LOVE SONG
STONE TEMPLE PILOTS - PURPLE


Waiting on a Sunday afternoon

For what I read between the lines, your lies


Feelin' like a hand in rusted shame

So do you laugh or does it cry? Reply?


Leavin' on a southern train only yesterday you lied,

promises of what I seemed to be only watched the time go by,

all of these things you said to me


Breathing is the hardest thing to do.

With all I've said and all that's dead for you,

you lied - goodbye.


Leavin' on a southern train only yesterday you lied,

promises of what I seemed to be only watched the time go by,

all of these things I said to you.

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preaching the End (Chris Cornell)

Hello, I know there’s someone out there
Who can understand
And who’s feeling the same way as me
I’m twenty-four and I’ve got everything to live for
But I know now that it wasn’t meant to be
lava.gif (20860 bytes)
’cause all has been lost and all has been won
And there’s nothing left for us to save
But now I know that I don’t want to be alone today
So if you find that you’ve been feeling just the same

Call me now it’s alright
It’s just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
’cause you can’t hide
So call and I’ll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I’m seeking a friend for the end of the world

I’ve got a photograph, I’ll send it off today
And you will see that I am perfectly sane
Not for a lifetime or forever and a day
’cause we know now that just won’t be the case
There will be no commitment and no confessions
And no little secrets to keep
No little children or houses with roses
Just the end of the world and me
’cause all has been gone and all has been done
And there’s nothing left for us to say
But we could be together as they blow it all away
And we can share in every moment as it breaks

Call me now it’s alright
It’s just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
’cause you can’t hide
So call and I’ll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I’m seeking a friend for the end of the world

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

NOTHINGMAN  - Pearl Jam
[vedder :: ament]

once divided...nothing left to subtract...
some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
future's above...but in the past he's slow and sinking...
caught a bolt of lightning...cursed the day he let it go...
nothingman...
nothingman...
isn't it something?
nothingman...
she once believed...in every story he had to tell...
one day she stiffened...took the other side...
empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
one just escapes...one's left inside the well...
and he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
nothingman...
nothingman...
isn't it something?
nothingman...
oh, she don't want him...
oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
burn...burn...
nothingman...
nothingman...
isn't it something?
nothingman...
nothingman...
could've been something...
nothingman...
.

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lava.gif (20860 bytes)

-fuel-
-"Hemorrhage"-
-from "Something Like Human"-


Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging waters till the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember everything I said when I said,

Don't fall away, and leave me to myself
Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands again,
Leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands,
Love lies bleeding...

Oh hold me now, I feel contagious..
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries that life is like some movie black and white..
Dead actors, vacant lies, Over, and over, and over again she cries..

Don't fall away, and leave me to myself
Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands again,
Leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands,
Love lies bleeding...

And I wanted
You turned away
You don't remember,
But I do..
You never even tried...

Don't fall away, and leave me to myself
Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands again,
Leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands again,
Leave love bleeding in my hands,
In my hands again..
Ohh..
Ohh..

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing Else Matters by Metallica          Hetfield/Ulrich

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

And Nothing Else Matters

 

I never opened myself with way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I don't just say lava.gif (20860 bytes)

And Nothing Else Matters

 

Trust I seek, and I find in you

Every day for us something new

Open mind for a different view

And Nothing Else Matters

 

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know lava.gif (20860 bytes)

But I know

 

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

And Nothing Else Matters

 

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know

But I know

 

I never opened myself this way

Life is ours we live it our way, hey

All these words I don't just say

And Nothing Else Matters

 

Trust I seek, and I find in you

Every day for us something new

Open mind for a different view

And Nothing Else Matters

 

Never cared for what they say

Never cared for games they play

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know

And I know (yeah)

 

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

No Nothing Else Matters

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

lava.gif (20860 bytes)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KIX - 1989
Don't Close Your Eyes       (D. Purnell, B. Halligan Jr.)

Whatcha doing out in the night time
Why'd ya' call me on the phone
Your mama can't solve your problems
When's daddy ever get home
So you did your little move and cried
In the middle of a suicide

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't sing your last lullaby

There's no one there to hold you
No one hears your scream
You live life up and down
your nightmares are your dreams

I know it's lonely when your hanging 'round
Don't ya' take it lying down - no, no
Hold on - Hold on tight
I'll make everything all right
Wake up - Don't go to sleep
I pray the lord your soul to keep

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't sing your last lullaby

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't sing your last lullaby
......

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misery
Soul Asylum

Let Your Dim Light Shinelava.gif (20860 bytes)

They say misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery

Frustrated, Incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to see

Put me out of my misery
I'd do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery

We could build a factory and make misery
We'll create the cure; we made the disease

Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to feel

Put me out of my misery
All you suicide kings and you drama queens
Forever after happily, making misery

Did you satisfy your greed, get what you need
Was it only envy, so empty

Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated

Frustrated, Incorporated (put me out of my misery)
Frustrated, Incorporated (I'd do it for you, would you do it for me)
Frustrated, Incorporated (forever after happily)
Frustrated, Incorporated (making misery)

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stellar by Incubus

 

Meet me in outer space.
WE could spend the night;
watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
won't you come with me?
WE could start again.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close, if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place, it might be the only way
that I can show you how
it feels to be inside of you.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar.

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Schism (Tool)

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
no fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication

cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion

between supposed lovers

And I know the pieces fit.

 

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Staind- Fade


I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Epiphany - (Staind)

Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said.

So I speak to you in riddles 'cause
My words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
and feel it wash away
'Cause I can't take anymore of this,
I want to come apart,
or dig myself a little hole
inside your precious heart

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
yet I always try to hide
'cause I talk to you like children,
though I don't know how I feel
but I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Mourning"  -Tantric

Is there something that you are trying to say
Don't hold back now

It's been a long time since I felt this way
So don't hold back now

I purposely forgot about
Loving anyone
Cause I'm the only one who has
Who has been stepped upon

Is there something that you are trying to say
Cause I can take it
Cause I grew up a man this way
And if I'm hurt I'll shake it

I'll crawl back into my cave
That's how I'll make it
Cause out of all this hurt we have
Beauty thus become
Beauty thus become

[Chorus:]
In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide
[Repeat]

Wishing all the best for you
And now I will say goodbye
Cause all the shit that we've been through
Put wisdom in my eyes

So walk away, don't turn around
Cause I won't be standing here
Cause all the lies that I've been living through
Are becoming very clear
And beauty thus become

[Chorus]

Then you conned me into thinking
That all I had was you
The small insinuations
Were cutting me through
Cutting me through

And now I stand alone here
Stronger than before
And I'll never go back
Never go back
Never go

 

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

PUDDLE OF MUDD

"Blurry"

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's no one left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cuz I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that I will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to run away

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face


This pain you give to me

you take it all
you take it all away...
explain again to me
you take it all away
explain again to me
take it all away
explain again

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 
 
 
 
Uninvited
City of Angels Soundtrack
Alanis Morissette (c) 1999
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave

But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd meet shepherd

But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before

But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Green Day

 I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone


I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
 Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
 

 I'm walking down the line
 That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone I walk alone

 I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
 

 I walk alone
I walk a...
 

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone!

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

The Leaving Song
AFI

Walked away, heard them say
"Poison hearts will never change,"
walk away again.

Turned away in disgrace,
felt the chill upon my face cooling from within.

Hard to notice gleaming from the sky,
when you're staring at the cracks.
Hard to notice what is passing by with eyes lowered.

You... walked away, heard them say
"Poison hearts will never change,"
walk away again.

All the cracks, they lead right to me,
and all the cracks will crawl right through me.
All the cracks, they lead right to me,
and all the cracks will crawl right through me,
and I fell apart.

As I... walked away, heard them say
"Poison hearts will never change,"
walk away again,
Turned away in disgrace,
felt the chill upon my face cooling from within

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

City of Angels Soundtrack -  Goo Goo Dolls (Johnny Rzeznik)

Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
lava.gif (20860 bytes)
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

 

(I just watched City of Angels ALONE & cried... Can you tell?? :))

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

========================
Alice In Chains - Nutshell
========================

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight
And yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home

Oooh...Oooh...
Oooh...Oooh...

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead.

with peace may you be free, Layne. you will never be forgotten.
 
say goodbye, don't follow...

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stone Sour (Corey Taylor)

"Bother"

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

[Solo: Corey]

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

 

BACK TO MUSIC   BACK TO DEPRESSION    HOME