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       "I take a problem and chew on it till all the flavor is gone and then I stick it in my hair." - Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood        
    update :)

I left my job as of April 23rd,2004. This photo was taken on that day, and I was actually impressed with a picture of me for once! Apparently leaving, even though exhausted, looked good on me.

I'm in process of once again regrouping. I'm planning to entrepreneur more things and stop doing menial tasks that any faceless individual can do. Even though from the phone calls I've received, not just anyone can do what I've been doing there. I have a wonderful new niece, two super special other nieces, a compassionate partner and a family, though not perfect, many seem to envy. I may be online more, or online less, depending on where my creativity takes me as it begins to come back. I wish you all well!    

Eric's got me playing Magic: The Gathering cards!!   LOL. I'm a geek now! :P

I sure wish that certain people in his life hadn't have decided to leave his circle of friends over the past two and a half years (I can't believe we've been together this long!). I hate it that I'm blamed for it. At least he is understanding and knows that I did nothing wrong but try to be friends. He assured me that he is better off in some ways with the exited people gone. I just feel bad. I've never wanted to isolate anyone from their friends, and I don't like it when it happens to me!



I'm now 35 years old and I used to own my own automotive business, someday I hope to stop automatically associating myself with that, but it is still a big part of who I am. I took a year off April 1999 to April 2000 to regain my health and worked on a small home business. Now I'm doing that and also working part time in accounting at a local credit union.

I am dating a wonderful, compassionate, intelligent man whom I've known since June of 2002. Our relationship is by far the healthiest I've ever had. Sometimes it is scary how far in I've let him in, but I trust him so much that there was no way to keep a suit of armor around my heart. I try to give back as much as he gives to me. He is patient, kind, and understanding. He's also motivated and loves to learn, he's taught me a lot about life and how to approach situations, and I'm so glad that he is in my and my family's lives. I hope someday it will become clear to us where our future lies, but right now I am very happy with the level that our relationship is at, and I think he feels the same.

I still feel apprehensive about my relationships at times, but I truly think they are getting much healthier on my part. My psych doc has officially taken bpd off my diagnosis. It's down to just anxiety and depression, and bipolar II (which I suppose encompasses both), but these are all managed quite well with pharmaceuticals. The bpd tendencies still appear from time to time, as they do also in "regular" people, and I have learned to recognize and deal with them in as healthy a way as I can.

I separated (yes, physically) from my husband in July 1997, our divorce was final November 1998.  I have suffered from depression off and on since I was in high school, and have come a long way. With help, I've finally found things that improved my life. Not perfect yet, but not suicidal anymore. I'm finding life right now very interesting. This is the first time I've ever lived alone and been in control of my own life. It's awfully lonely sometimes, but I'm doing ok.  I wish I had more friends. It kinda sucks when you are married for 7 years, and succeed in tossing away every last one of your friends.

This is a totally different life, struggling to be happy on my own, but wanting to lean on people sometimes. I'm sure glad my kitties live with me. I read a lot of self-help books, and also listen to tapes, this does seem to help remind my brain how to stay healthy. Since being treated for Bipolar II, amazingly enough I've been able to actually READ - like novels, not just magazine articles! It's so awesome, it opened up a whole new world for me. From the looks of the old report cards, I likely suffered from ADD all through school. This road has been and continues to be a long tough one. I'm an educated person, skilled in many areas, and yet can't seem to find anything for a career that makes me happy.

I'm not all boring! I have a pierced navel that goes along with my wild streak. I love metal and alternative music, and hope to begin doing something music-related again soon. I have two cats who mean the world to me, and a small handful of friends that I cherish.

I love gardening and landscaping, and I also do most all of my home remodeling. I frequent Home Depot and can do everything from framing and siding to electrical and plumbing. I like being self-sufficient, and I enjoy learning to do things myself. I'm not the best cook or housekeeper, but I think I make up for it in the handiwork I do. I do furniture building and refinishing and a lot of remodeling in and around my home. I also get by with cooking, sewing and all the traditional "domestic" type stuff.

My personality is rather intense, but I also have a great sense of humor and I love to laugh. I hate it when people who lie. Liars suck. they mess up your head. I would like to find someone to live and laugh with, someone to sit and cry with. Someone to share a glass of wine and some music with. Marriage? don't know. Children? it'd be nice to at least have the discussion..... Domestic partnership? for sure, IF and only if it is actually possible to have companionship without mind games. I like companionship, although after the divorce I became much more selfish than I'd been before. I definitely swung from one extreme to the other, but moderation is coming. I hope to not be alone the rest of my life. But if that is what is in the cards for me, I will be ok. I have a nice house in the country with a garden and a workshop and I manage to stay occupied and happy. I love my cats and my home, along with all my hobbies and diversions. I do my own landscaping and remodeling, and I find much peace and satisfaction there. Life is good. And I feel I've made it that way myself. And I have the most incredible family I could ever ask for.

To the person who wrote this to me, you know who you are, you are still special in my heart. I wish you the best also, and I truly hope that your sentiment for me works out for me in the end. thanks.

I apologize for my behavior and wish that I were a better person. I feel so terrible that I brought you down to a bad place. You deserve more than the world has given you, Gina. You deserve more than I have given you for sure. You are a beautiful person. And I can't see how anyone, including myself, couldn't appreciate you. I want you to have a good life, Gina.

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